Happy Saturday morn, tators!!! Your girl is bright eyed and bushy tailed today; up by 7am, out the door to run by 7:30am, and back at my casa by 9am. So much done today and it is still early!
Well...
I went to a new salon to get my piggys and fingers done because my main-girl left my old salon (NOTE: I was not sad to move salons, my old salon switched owners and the vibe was stank!!!). So, my girl "B" and I were chattin' it up when someone walked in.
The first thing that caught my eye...
was the color of her skin; it was not a golden bronze BUT a fluorescent ORANGE, like the color of Sunkist soda!!! She sported an out-of-date royal blue Juicy Couture sweat outfit with Juicy spread out across her buttocks in rhinestones with the matching jacket. On her feet were platform black flip-flops; Juicy too (NOTE: I could tell because of the little golden-charm bow hanging from the strap). Her hair was Old-Skool Jersey huge and blonder than blond can possible be!!! I was thinking wig or major weave!
However...
Upon further inspection, I realized that this person was not a not-so-well-kept-southern-bell, but a much older not-so-well-kept-southern-bell!!! This hen was about 70 if she was a day! And to top off the outfit was a pair of extra-large white sunglasses.
Next...
Ms Thang gingerly sat herself down on the bench and carefully took off her flops and placed them on the bench next to her. Then I heard the crinkle. She picked up a Publix shopping bag; not the reusable one but the kill-the-world-with-more-plastic one. I did not notice the bag when she walked in, probably because I was so infatuated with her unnatural glow!
She...
leaned forward to the nail tech and proceeded to shout (NOTE: I figured by the volume of her voice that she probably was half or more deaf), "I DO NOT WANT TO WEAR MY GOOD SANDALS OUT, I WANT TO WEAR THESE!" And out she whipped a pair of white platform terry cloth covered flip-flops that were stained orange! I had to contain my giggles!!! Then she yelled, "THE COLOR IS FROM MY SELF-TANNER; IT LOOKS SO GOOD ON ME BUT NOT SO GOOD ON THE SHOES!" At this, I almost fell off the bench. Now, My nail-tech did not know what I was getting all giddy about and she kept mouthing, "WHAT!" but I could not tell her because it would draw attention to my amusement and because "B" was doing my toes, she could not get a real good look-see at Mrs. Orange nor could she really understand what she was sayin despite the volume of her voice because of the running water in my toe tub.
And then...
After the white platform flops came out, next was a bottle of Bud! She proceeded to shout, "THIS IS FOR ME TO RELAX, I HAVE HAD SUCH A DAY." And with that she popped the top and proceeded to chug the beer. With a satisfied, "AHHH," she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand leaving a bright pink stain from her lipstick, and then picked another Bud out of the bag. "I'VE GOT 2 MORE AFTER THIS ONE," she shouted at her nail tech.
With that said...
My nail tech finally looked over and her mouth fell agape. Then she looked at me and whispered, "Is she for really?!" To which I answered, bless her heart she sure is!!!
Enjoy the weekend, tators!
And, I am out!
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
August 4: I'm BAAAACCCKKK!!!
Yes, I have been away; leaving my beloved tators hangin', but now I am back, and better than ever!!! Why have I've been away?
Well...
Life has simply gotten in the way of everything! As many of you know, Carl lost his source of income and our lives have been in limbo (NOTE: If the real limbo is anything like the limbo I am currently experiencing, it really SUCKS!). We do not know if,where, when, who , and how we are moving (NOTE: That depends on the employment he finds). Helen-Ellen is still not feeling 100% up to par (NOTE: I hope that she starts feeling like her old self soon, because honestly I am a bit tired of going down to Death's-Door, Florida).
Anywho...
Things in Hot-Lanta have been anything but lame. The first thing that comes to mind is this god-forsakin heat!!! Carl-E and I have been crawling out of bed at 6am, so we can be at the park to run by 7am. However, by the time we get there, it is already 80 degrees, without the humidity. Now, for my FL Tataors, Atlanta humidity is worse!!! We do not get the afternoon showers that you oh so enjoy every day. The humidity just hangs in the air and suffocates you in its clammy grasp!!! I cannot wait for fall; if it ever comes!
Let's talk about...
GRASS!!! My front lawn looks like a the coat of a leopard; spotted!!! When we thought we were moving to Orlando, Carl-E ripped up part of the front lawn and replanted. It looked like a lush green, high-pile carpet. And then summer came and destroyed it! It was like summer was a scorn girl and the lawn was her cheatin, lyin, troll of a BF and she went toal ape-sh-ite on his ass! We tried to save it by watering, but when the City of Hot-Lanta sends you a water bill for over 800 dollars (NOTE: Yes, I said over 800 dollars), I say, f*&% it, let it die a slow miserable death in this heat)! So, my lawn looks like crap and you know what, I really do not care! That 800 dollars can be used for a perfectly good pair of shoes, ya know?!
Ok, so...
Carl-E has been using my computer because he got another virus on his new laptop. I have had my PC for almost 9 years and have never gotten a virus (NOTE: Now, I will probably get the mega-virus of all virus!!!). He has had his lap top for less than 8months and he managed to get a really nasty virus (NOTE: He swears he was not looking at any adult sites, I say "Whatever!"). Now he has to share my PC. What makes this so funny is that he was totally ripping on how slow my computer is and out old it is and how blah, blah, blah!!! Karma is a bee-otch because he has to pay beau coup bucks to get his lap top fixed and he had to apologize to my PC (NOTE: My PC has not fully forgiven him, but is letting him us it because he needs to find a J-O-B!)
On the other hand...
I promise that I will not let so much time go in between posts. I am determined to blog more than ever, because many funny things have been a-happening, but to be honest, I just have not had the mental energy to write. But, now I am back so look out BABY!!!
And, I am out!
Well...
Life has simply gotten in the way of everything! As many of you know, Carl lost his source of income and our lives have been in limbo (NOTE: If the real limbo is anything like the limbo I am currently experiencing, it really SUCKS!). We do not know if,where, when, who , and how we are moving (NOTE: That depends on the employment he finds). Helen-Ellen is still not feeling 100% up to par (NOTE: I hope that she starts feeling like her old self soon, because honestly I am a bit tired of going down to Death's-Door, Florida).
Anywho...
Things in Hot-Lanta have been anything but lame. The first thing that comes to mind is this god-forsakin heat!!! Carl-E and I have been crawling out of bed at 6am, so we can be at the park to run by 7am. However, by the time we get there, it is already 80 degrees, without the humidity. Now, for my FL Tataors, Atlanta humidity is worse!!! We do not get the afternoon showers that you oh so enjoy every day. The humidity just hangs in the air and suffocates you in its clammy grasp!!! I cannot wait for fall; if it ever comes!
Let's talk about...
GRASS!!! My front lawn looks like a the coat of a leopard; spotted!!! When we thought we were moving to Orlando, Carl-E ripped up part of the front lawn and replanted. It looked like a lush green, high-pile carpet. And then summer came and destroyed it! It was like summer was a scorn girl and the lawn was her cheatin, lyin, troll of a BF and she went toal ape-sh-ite on his ass! We tried to save it by watering, but when the City of Hot-Lanta sends you a water bill for over 800 dollars (NOTE: Yes, I said over 800 dollars), I say, f*&% it, let it die a slow miserable death in this heat)! So, my lawn looks like crap and you know what, I really do not care! That 800 dollars can be used for a perfectly good pair of shoes, ya know?!
Ok, so...
Carl-E has been using my computer because he got another virus on his new laptop. I have had my PC for almost 9 years and have never gotten a virus (NOTE: Now, I will probably get the mega-virus of all virus!!!). He has had his lap top for less than 8months and he managed to get a really nasty virus (NOTE: He swears he was not looking at any adult sites, I say "Whatever!"). Now he has to share my PC. What makes this so funny is that he was totally ripping on how slow my computer is and out old it is and how blah, blah, blah!!! Karma is a bee-otch because he has to pay beau coup bucks to get his lap top fixed and he had to apologize to my PC (NOTE: My PC has not fully forgiven him, but is letting him us it because he needs to find a J-O-B!)
On the other hand...
I promise that I will not let so much time go in between posts. I am determined to blog more than ever, because many funny things have been a-happening, but to be honest, I just have not had the mental energy to write. But, now I am back so look out BABY!!!
And, I am out!
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