Happy Saturday morn, tators!!! Your girl is bright eyed and bushy tailed today; up by 7am, out the door to run by 7:30am, and back at my casa by 9am. So much done today and it is still early!
Well...
I went to a new salon to get my piggys and fingers done because my main-girl left my old salon (NOTE: I was not sad to move salons, my old salon switched owners and the vibe was stank!!!). So, my girl "B" and I were chattin' it up when someone walked in.
The first thing that caught my eye...
was the color of her skin; it was not a golden bronze BUT a fluorescent ORANGE, like the color of Sunkist soda!!! She sported an out-of-date royal blue Juicy Couture sweat outfit with Juicy spread out across her buttocks in rhinestones with the matching jacket. On her feet were platform black flip-flops; Juicy too (NOTE: I could tell because of the little golden-charm bow hanging from the strap). Her hair was Old-Skool Jersey huge and blonder than blond can possible be!!! I was thinking wig or major weave!
However...
Upon further inspection, I realized that this person was not a not-so-well-kept-southern-bell, but a much older not-so-well-kept-southern-bell!!! This hen was about 70 if she was a day! And to top off the outfit was a pair of extra-large white sunglasses.
Next...
Ms Thang gingerly sat herself down on the bench and carefully took off her flops and placed them on the bench next to her. Then I heard the crinkle. She picked up a Publix shopping bag; not the reusable one but the kill-the-world-with-more-plastic one. I did not notice the bag when she walked in, probably because I was so infatuated with her unnatural glow!
She...
leaned forward to the nail tech and proceeded to shout (NOTE: I figured by the volume of her voice that she probably was half or more deaf), "I DO NOT WANT TO WEAR MY GOOD SANDALS OUT, I WANT TO WEAR THESE!" And out she whipped a pair of white platform terry cloth covered flip-flops that were stained orange! I had to contain my giggles!!! Then she yelled, "THE COLOR IS FROM MY SELF-TANNER; IT LOOKS SO GOOD ON ME BUT NOT SO GOOD ON THE SHOES!" At this, I almost fell off the bench. Now, My nail-tech did not know what I was getting all giddy about and she kept mouthing, "WHAT!" but I could not tell her because it would draw attention to my amusement and because "B" was doing my toes, she could not get a real good look-see at Mrs. Orange nor could she really understand what she was sayin despite the volume of her voice because of the running water in my toe tub.
And then...
After the white platform flops came out, next was a bottle of Bud! She proceeded to shout, "THIS IS FOR ME TO RELAX, I HAVE HAD SUCH A DAY." And with that she popped the top and proceeded to chug the beer. With a satisfied, "AHHH," she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand leaving a bright pink stain from her lipstick, and then picked another Bud out of the bag. "I'VE GOT 2 MORE AFTER THIS ONE," she shouted at her nail tech.
With that said...
My nail tech finally looked over and her mouth fell agape. Then she looked at me and whispered, "Is she for really?!" To which I answered, bless her heart she sure is!!!
Enjoy the weekend, tators!
And, I am out!
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