Happy "Festival Of Enormous Changes At The Last Minute and National Bicarbonate Of Soda Day." So tators, make a list of all things you want to change in 2009, (NOTE: You know you will try real hard the first month, and then start to slack off as February rolls around; we all do it; it's only human), next chug a soda (NOTE: May I suggest a frosty, refreshing Cherry Coke Zero; yummy!), and then think of some totally hilarious, and laugh so the soda shoots out of your nose and pours all over your list.
Well, tators, I hope you had a fabu Christmas, mine was very, very, interesting. As I reported in my last post; poor Carl-E threw his back out. Because his knee is not 100%, well it is not even 50%, he walks all catywhompus. So, trying to get ready for a day at the daily grind, his back went, "POP!" But being the trooper he is and a die-hard boss, he braved the pain and went to work anyway, only to come home a few hours later to lay in bed with his laptop and Blackbetty. God forbid he is not connected!
SO...
It is 4am on Tuesday, and Carl-E is trying to convince me that he can go to Florida for Christmas. Let me use my magic brush and paint the picture...
He is stilling in the living room chair with both legs sticking straight out in front of him, so that he appears to be a Ken doll that cannot bend at the hips; in other words he looks like a cadaver which rigamortis has set in. The grimace look on his face is not making me believe one word that was coming from his mouth. But, to give him props, he was really trying to convince me he was ok to travel.
However...
I was so not buying it! I put my wife foot down and said, "We are not going anywhere; we will stay here!" So, Christmas was put on hold until Carl-E's back is better. We had a nice day; I made duck and roasted eggplant. It was very yummy!
Now...
Let's talk about New Years resolutions. Normally, I do not make any, because if I fail, I'll be sad. And, nothing sucks more than being sad. But, this year is different. Because Carl-E and I had way too much extra time this holiday season due to Christmas being post-phone, he talked me into making a list. So, here it is; laugh away:
- I will be kinder to Mother Earth. I got a jump on this already. I purchased this adorable flower-print tote that folds into a tiny little square, and then slips into its own carrying case to I keep in my bigger LV tote, so I do not have to waste store bags! Also, I have a bizillon Publix re-usable bags, because every time I go and I am short by just one because I leave one at home, I buy a new one so I am not the only person in the store that gets the hairy eyeball from the rest of the shoppers because I am using the only plastic bag to carry out Carl-E's Special K waffles.
- I will recycle more. Nothing will go in my trash if it can be recycled. Even if this means I have to take out Carl-E using the straight arm or by sweeping his bad leg while he tries to toss out yet another Gator Aid bottle. I swear he bathes in that stuff; he drinks so much!
- I will sell more on Ebay. Hey, if I have not sported it in a year, why waste the space? I'll make extra cash and get more threads to fill the empty space!
- I will continue my exercise regiment. This is really not for me, but for Carl-E. If I do not exercise, I become nastier than a sale person at Neiman Marcus who would not locate for the mate of the adorable Fendi flat that I wanted to buy!
- I will try to save more money. Oh Hell, that's not going to happen especially with all those LV bags needing loving and caring homes.
With that tators, rock on!
Happy New Year and all that jazz!
"So the scissor leg; touch your heal, touch your toes!"
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Dec 23: Festivus for the rest of us!
Happy "Roots Day!" So, if you gots them dark roots a-rockin', break out the bleach and hit them bad boys! Sportin dark roots are so 1990's.
Wait a minute, maybe "Roots Day" isn't about hair, could it be about heritage?
Well, if that's the case, dig deep into your family closet and see what little goodies you discover, and then when you see your fam for Christmas, you use these little nuggets to really get the conversation going after everyone as dipped into the olde eggnog!
Oh the holidays...
Speaking of which...
Yesterday, I ventured to, WAL-MART! Now, all my life I have never lived closer than 5 miles from a Wal-Mart. And this, tators was totally by design. I love me some Target, but the Big W scares me. Maybe it is because the super stores are way too super; as in big. And, they sell too many things; no focus like Louis Vuitton. Well, what ever the fear, I try to stay far, far,away. The last time I stepped my Tory Burch clad size 6 foot in a Wal-Mart was to apply for funding for AARF (NOTE: AARF is a wonderful animal rescue here in Hot-Lanta that I volunteer for). Now, because I am a giving person, I did not mind doing it for AARF, but for my family it is a totally different story.
So...
The ride to Wal-Mart should of taken, oh 15 minutes tops. But, since it is Hot-Lanta, it took 3x's as long, because it makes perfect sense to turn a two lane road into one lane to do work in the middle of the day. So, I whip into the almost full-to-capacity parking lot, and bee line for the front door. With the agility and spped of a jungle cat, a grab a shopping cart, and start gliding down the aisles, grabbing wrapping paper, Coke Zero, cat food and toys (NOTE: The babies needed a gift for their stockins), and dish detergent. Lastly, I grab two gift cards, which was the subject of my Wal-Mart mission.
And then...
I get in line, take out my eco-friendly tote bag (NOTE: Because I am all about savin' the Earth) to put my treasures in, hand the cashier my two gift cards and say, "$50 each please." Well, after oh 10,000 tries, the cashier informs me that the cards are defective (NOTE: Well, duh!). Out of all the friggin' cards in the whole mega-store, I pick the two; the two that do not work.
Now...
I bet even you can feel the heat from the peepers of the people in line behind me. I tired to exudes holiday cheer and smile my mega-watt too-much-beer-grin, but my friendliness was returned by frowns! Can you believe?! Now, the line is growing longer, the manager has to void my whole transaction, take everything out of my pretty tote, re-ring everything, get two new gift cards, and re-pack everything. From start to finish, I was at the register for 20 minutes! I knew as I left, people were wishing I would get it by a car on the way to my ride.
Well...
You might be asking, "Why did you have to get the gift cards?" Well, they are gifts for Helen Ellen and my monster-in-law (NOTE: We also got Helen Ellen Chanel #5, and I think I'll refer to my monster-in-law as "Sponge-Cindy-No-Cash," because she is constantly sucking bank for me). And, I had to get the cards before we left for O-Town, which was supposed to be this morning at 8am.
Let's talk about that...
Well, Carl-E threw his back out. Pop!goes his knee! Pop!goes his back! Pop!my brain! He can barley stand, let alone sit. So, Christmas is on hold, until...
I feel so bad for him.
Maybe I'll spritz on some Chanel #5 and go on a shopin spree at the Big-W, since all my Christmas gifts are at Helen Ellen's casa.
And then, maybe NOT!
Ho, ho, ho, everyone!
"Snap for the kids, snap for the kids, snap in a circle three times!"
Festivus
n. An alternative to the crass commercialization of Christmas, typically celebrated on December 23. It involves The Airing of Grievances (telling your family and friends all the ways they have disappointed you during the year) and does not end until the Feats of Strength (pinning the head of the family) are accomplished. A plain, metal pole is used in lieu of a Christmas tree, because decorations (such as tinsel) is distracting from the true meaning of the holiday.
A Festivus for the rest of us! -George Costanza
Wait a minute, maybe "Roots Day" isn't about hair, could it be about heritage?
Well, if that's the case, dig deep into your family closet and see what little goodies you discover, and then when you see your fam for Christmas, you use these little nuggets to really get the conversation going after everyone as dipped into the olde eggnog!
Oh the holidays...
Speaking of which...
Yesterday, I ventured to, WAL-MART! Now, all my life I have never lived closer than 5 miles from a Wal-Mart. And this, tators was totally by design. I love me some Target, but the Big W scares me. Maybe it is because the super stores are way too super; as in big. And, they sell too many things; no focus like Louis Vuitton. Well, what ever the fear, I try to stay far, far,away. The last time I stepped my Tory Burch clad size 6 foot in a Wal-Mart was to apply for funding for AARF (NOTE: AARF is a wonderful animal rescue here in Hot-Lanta that I volunteer for). Now, because I am a giving person, I did not mind doing it for AARF, but for my family it is a totally different story.
So...
The ride to Wal-Mart should of taken, oh 15 minutes tops. But, since it is Hot-Lanta, it took 3x's as long, because it makes perfect sense to turn a two lane road into one lane to do work in the middle of the day. So, I whip into the almost full-to-capacity parking lot, and bee line for the front door. With the agility and spped of a jungle cat, a grab a shopping cart, and start gliding down the aisles, grabbing wrapping paper, Coke Zero, cat food and toys (NOTE: The babies needed a gift for their stockins), and dish detergent. Lastly, I grab two gift cards, which was the subject of my Wal-Mart mission.
And then...
I get in line, take out my eco-friendly tote bag (NOTE: Because I am all about savin' the Earth) to put my treasures in, hand the cashier my two gift cards and say, "$50 each please." Well, after oh 10,000 tries, the cashier informs me that the cards are defective (NOTE: Well, duh!). Out of all the friggin' cards in the whole mega-store, I pick the two; the two that do not work.
Now...
I bet even you can feel the heat from the peepers of the people in line behind me. I tired to exudes holiday cheer and smile my mega-watt too-much-beer-grin, but my friendliness was returned by frowns! Can you believe?! Now, the line is growing longer, the manager has to void my whole transaction, take everything out of my pretty tote, re-ring everything, get two new gift cards, and re-pack everything. From start to finish, I was at the register for 20 minutes! I knew as I left, people were wishing I would get it by a car on the way to my ride.
Well...
You might be asking, "Why did you have to get the gift cards?" Well, they are gifts for Helen Ellen and my monster-in-law (NOTE: We also got Helen Ellen Chanel #5, and I think I'll refer to my monster-in-law as "Sponge-Cindy-No-Cash," because she is constantly sucking bank for me). And, I had to get the cards before we left for O-Town, which was supposed to be this morning at 8am.
Let's talk about that...
Well, Carl-E threw his back out. Pop!goes his knee! Pop!goes his back! Pop!my brain! He can barley stand, let alone sit. So, Christmas is on hold, until...
I feel so bad for him.
Maybe I'll spritz on some Chanel #5 and go on a shopin spree at the Big-W, since all my Christmas gifts are at Helen Ellen's casa.
And then, maybe NOT!
Ho, ho, ho, everyone!
"Snap for the kids, snap for the kids, snap in a circle three times!"
Festivus
n. An alternative to the crass commercialization of Christmas, typically celebrated on December 23. It involves The Airing of Grievances (telling your family and friends all the ways they have disappointed you during the year) and does not end until the Feats of Strength (pinning the head of the family) are accomplished. A plain, metal pole is used in lieu of a Christmas tree, because decorations (such as tinsel) is distracting from the true meaning of the holiday.
A Festivus for the rest of us! -George Costanza
Friday, December 19, 2008
December 19: Perfect Gift???
Happy "National Oatmeal Muffin Day" tators! Now, I prefer an oatmeal cookie to an oatmeal muffin, but I prefer an oatmeal muffin to a muffin top. So, if you have any articles of clothing that create the slightest of mini-muffs, make it part of your New Year's resolutions and burn them babies, and go shoppin' for some new threads!
So, now that 2008 is almost to a close, let's slam the door on this bee-otch with a B-A-N-G!
Well...
Carl-E was guilted by Helen Ellen for us to take a vay-cay to the rockin' town of Bradenton. Now, I was not prepared for this journey, because Carl-E and I made a discussion way back in the day that we would stay in Hot-Lanta. So, when my other half dumped this bomb on me, let's say that I was not as happy as when I got my last LV!
Anywho...
Here it last Saturday, I have no list of Carl-E's wants for Ho-Ho Day, a trip to get ready for, and a really bad broken nail! OOCHY! But, rather than wallow in my sorrow or hold a private pity parade, I sprung into Wonder Woman mode.
1) I called the pet sitter, and begged her to take care of my babies. Because my kitties are the best in the universe, she could not refuse the opportunity to spend precious moments with them
2) I told Carl-E that if I did not get a list of wants by Sunday night, he would get a swift kick in the knee (NOTE: It's still swollen; poor baby!)
3) I got on line, and ordered The Honey Baked Ham and Carl-E's fav; the cheese cake sampler, wrote a list for my mother-in-law of other items I would need to whip up a Christmas feasty, signed a check to cover the costs, and dropped it in the mail to her
Come Monday...
I had all of Carl-E's gifts ordered and shipped to Helen Ellen's, and I thought I could kick back and chill the rest of the week.
Oh, but hellz no!
Monday evening, my beloved tells me that he needs gifts for his managers. And not just any gift, but a very specific gift; a wood case with wine implements, such as a cork screw, stoppers, etc. He wants 4 of the same and he needs them by...
WEDNESDAY!
The journey begins...
Tuesday I get up, cancel my pedi, go for a quick 10k, and then embark on my quest for Carl-E's perfect gift. So, I travel to a speciality store where I found lots of goodies pour moi, but not the goody that Carl-E wanted. So, I jumped back in the auto, and traveled to another store. Guess what? NADA! The next one; close but no cigar. The one after that; zilch! I began to think that Carl-E's gift was a myth, like anti-aging cream (NOTE: I know that we all want to believe that it really exists, but there is no such thing Virgina!)
Finally...
Three hours later,10 stores, and my spirits dampened; I locate the holy grail of corporate gifts at my last stop. There it was on the shelf, gleaming under the halogen lights; my foul language wails of desperation were answered! I was approached by a large but friendly store manager, who asked me if I needed help. I smiled a very large grin, and I pointed to the magical box, and said, "I'll take four of those, please!"
And then...
He said, "Sorry, that's my last one." My world suddenly crashed around my Burberry wellies, and this must of shown my face, because the manager-guy asked me if I was ok. Choking back a waterfall of tears, with hands flying, and speaking extremely fast, I blurted out my tale of woe. I know I looked totally pitiful, because he said to me, "Look I can give you this set (NOTE: Which was 20 greenbacks more) for the cost of the one you wanted." I was so elated, that I jumped up and down and clapped my hands like a total fool.
Never the less...
I came through once again for my man. I so rock, because that's how I roll, homey!
Have a fabu Christmas, Chaunukka, Kwanzaa, and every other winter holiday!
Loves ya!
So, now that 2008 is almost to a close, let's slam the door on this bee-otch with a B-A-N-G!
Well...
Carl-E was guilted by Helen Ellen for us to take a vay-cay to the rockin' town of Bradenton. Now, I was not prepared for this journey, because Carl-E and I made a discussion way back in the day that we would stay in Hot-Lanta. So, when my other half dumped this bomb on me, let's say that I was not as happy as when I got my last LV!
Anywho...
Here it last Saturday, I have no list of Carl-E's wants for Ho-Ho Day, a trip to get ready for, and a really bad broken nail! OOCHY! But, rather than wallow in my sorrow or hold a private pity parade, I sprung into Wonder Woman mode.
1) I called the pet sitter, and begged her to take care of my babies. Because my kitties are the best in the universe, she could not refuse the opportunity to spend precious moments with them
2) I told Carl-E that if I did not get a list of wants by Sunday night, he would get a swift kick in the knee (NOTE: It's still swollen; poor baby!)
3) I got on line, and ordered The Honey Baked Ham and Carl-E's fav; the cheese cake sampler, wrote a list for my mother-in-law of other items I would need to whip up a Christmas feasty, signed a check to cover the costs, and dropped it in the mail to her
Come Monday...
I had all of Carl-E's gifts ordered and shipped to Helen Ellen's, and I thought I could kick back and chill the rest of the week.
Oh, but hellz no!
Monday evening, my beloved tells me that he needs gifts for his managers. And not just any gift, but a very specific gift; a wood case with wine implements, such as a cork screw, stoppers, etc. He wants 4 of the same and he needs them by...
WEDNESDAY!
The journey begins...
Tuesday I get up, cancel my pedi, go for a quick 10k, and then embark on my quest for Carl-E's perfect gift. So, I travel to a speciality store where I found lots of goodies pour moi, but not the goody that Carl-E wanted. So, I jumped back in the auto, and traveled to another store. Guess what? NADA! The next one; close but no cigar. The one after that; zilch! I began to think that Carl-E's gift was a myth, like anti-aging cream (NOTE: I know that we all want to believe that it really exists, but there is no such thing Virgina!)
Finally...
Three hours later,10 stores, and my spirits dampened; I locate the holy grail of corporate gifts at my last stop. There it was on the shelf, gleaming under the halogen lights; my foul language wails of desperation were answered! I was approached by a large but friendly store manager, who asked me if I needed help. I smiled a very large grin, and I pointed to the magical box, and said, "I'll take four of those, please!"
And then...
He said, "Sorry, that's my last one." My world suddenly crashed around my Burberry wellies, and this must of shown my face, because the manager-guy asked me if I was ok. Choking back a waterfall of tears, with hands flying, and speaking extremely fast, I blurted out my tale of woe. I know I looked totally pitiful, because he said to me, "Look I can give you this set (NOTE: Which was 20 greenbacks more) for the cost of the one you wanted." I was so elated, that I jumped up and down and clapped my hands like a total fool.
Never the less...
I came through once again for my man. I so rock, because that's how I roll, homey!
Have a fabu Christmas, Chaunukka, Kwanzaa, and every other winter holiday!
Loves ya!
Friday, December 12, 2008
December 12: I could not make this stuff up! PART DEUX
Ok, tators!
Drum role please.......
78 mags!
The fav......
"Inches"
Dates.....
1990-1999
Boy, someone liked to get their freak on!
Drum role please.......
78 mags!
The fav......
"Inches"
Dates.....
1990-1999
Boy, someone liked to get their freak on!
December 12: I could not make this stuff up!
Ok, tators here is one for ya!
Let's back up a few days; no pushin' or shovin' in the time machine!
Ready! Set! Go!
Wednesday, the whole Atlantic ocean fell over Hot-lanta. And then on Thursday, the Gulf of Mexico.
O-Tay, back to the present...
Now when it rains, my basement gets water in it; not too much. So, today I decied to venture down and see what the elements did to my basement (NOTE: I also had to put away the climbing equipment that has been sitting on the laundry room counter since Carl-E got his boo-boo).
Well...
I descend into the basement and see more water than usual. Trying to find the source, I begin moving the extra table leaf, the plastic bins that contain God's know what, and Carl-E's numerous toolboxes that contain tools that I use more than him (NOTE: No; I am not bitter aboutt hat). As I was placing the toolboxes on the work table (NOTE: Where they belong!), I noticed a piece of paper curled up in the rafters. Of course curiosity got the better of me; I went back upstairs, got the step stool terrifying Godiva in the process (NOTE: She has an unnatural fear of it), went back down stairs, and proceed to pull it loose.
Well, guess what it was...
PORN! And not Playboy porn, but naked men pron. I had to chuckle because I instantly thougth that the previous owner who was an old Buckhead Betty, named Betty Bee (NOTE: No lie, that is what she went by) stashed them for a little-look-see when the hubby was out. But, then I noticed it was not for women, it was for men! So, maybe Mr. Betty-Bee played for the other team while she was having a bake sale at Peachtree Pres! Now it is total soft-core, men just displaying their junk with bad 90's hair cuts and that come hither look. Personally, I think the guy on the back is the biggest hoot; denim vest and total Magnum PI stash!
However...
Upon further inspection, there are more. So, many more are shoved in this space I cannot pull them out. I am dying to get them out to see what else is stashed up there.
And the icing on the cake...
Today is "National Ding-A-Ling Day!"
I cannot make this sh#$t up!
Check ya on the flip side, homey!
PS I discovered H&M; totally dangerous!
Let's back up a few days; no pushin' or shovin' in the time machine!
Ready! Set! Go!
Wednesday, the whole Atlantic ocean fell over Hot-lanta. And then on Thursday, the Gulf of Mexico.
O-Tay, back to the present...
Now when it rains, my basement gets water in it; not too much. So, today I decied to venture down and see what the elements did to my basement (NOTE: I also had to put away the climbing equipment that has been sitting on the laundry room counter since Carl-E got his boo-boo).
Well...
I descend into the basement and see more water than usual. Trying to find the source, I begin moving the extra table leaf, the plastic bins that contain God's know what, and Carl-E's numerous toolboxes that contain tools that I use more than him (NOTE: No; I am not bitter aboutt hat). As I was placing the toolboxes on the work table (NOTE: Where they belong!), I noticed a piece of paper curled up in the rafters. Of course curiosity got the better of me; I went back upstairs, got the step stool terrifying Godiva in the process (NOTE: She has an unnatural fear of it), went back down stairs, and proceed to pull it loose.
Well, guess what it was...
PORN! And not Playboy porn, but naked men pron. I had to chuckle because I instantly thougth that the previous owner who was an old Buckhead Betty, named Betty Bee (NOTE: No lie, that is what she went by) stashed them for a little-look-see when the hubby was out. But, then I noticed it was not for women, it was for men! So, maybe Mr. Betty-Bee played for the other team while she was having a bake sale at Peachtree Pres! Now it is total soft-core, men just displaying their junk with bad 90's hair cuts and that come hither look. Personally, I think the guy on the back is the biggest hoot; denim vest and total Magnum PI stash!
However...
Upon further inspection, there are more. So, many more are shoved in this space I cannot pull them out. I am dying to get them out to see what else is stashed up there.
And the icing on the cake...
Today is "National Ding-A-Ling Day!"
I cannot make this sh#$t up!
Check ya on the flip side, homey!
PS I discovered H&M; totally dangerous!
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
December 10: And then there was light...
Happy or not-so-happy "Festival For The Souls Of Dead Whales." It depends if your the half glass full or half empty kind of person. So, put on your kamiks, white bearskin trousers, fox parka, roast some bear in your igloo, and do the dance of the mighty whale. I am not sure how it goes, but I would imagine it would look like the "Mashed Potato" or maybe the "Tootsie Roll."
So drink 'em if you got 'em for the might gentle giant of our vast oceans, the whale. Bottoms up!
Anywho...
So, I get home after running to find my house back in the 1700's; no electricity. What do you think the first thing I do is?
Try to turn on computer; duh!
Well...
I got to thinking, "When was the last time I went without electricity?" Well, it was 2 years ago in Tanzania. For 9 days on the mountain, we had not one kilowatt. (NOTE: Except for our headlamps, but they do not count because they are teeny-tiny and necessary to walk on a 19000 ft mountain in the dark) It was so nice, no phone ring-a-dingin, Carl-E spending time with moi not his mistress; Black Betty, and an excuse not to dry my hair (NOTE: Well, I could not wash it either, but that's neither here nor here).
Let's proceed...
So, when the lights came back on I decided to make a list of things I could not do without electricity and it brought both frown and a grin to my face:
- I could not flat iron my mane; I would have to live with a funky flip on the right-side of my head that drives me batty or wear a pony tail until my last breath
- I could not zap my java to get it to the proper consumption temperature after I forget about it for 5 hours after put it down on the counter to finish the laundry
- Hold the phone; I could not do the laundry because my Whirlpool would not go swishy and wishy; How would I solve the problem of icky-icky-poo clothing?; Bring it to the dry cleaners and let them deal with Carl-E's socks!
- I could not peruse my fav cyber shops, because I would have no internet, because I would have no cable, which means I have not DVR to record "Rock of Love: Charm School" (NOTE: What an inhumane cycle of torture!)
- My home phone would not ring; no more robocalls trying to sell me the sun, moon, stars, and a new water softener system that will help save me bank by using less soap in my laundry, but wait; I do not have to do the laundry anymore! (NOTE: I would still have my cell, but I can charge it in my car, see how I figured that one out!)
- My jacuzzi would not work; no more being able to un-knot my knotted back, guess I have to use the one at the pool with the naked ladies; ewwwww!
- I could not keep food in the refrigerator; oh well I guess it is either canned soup for an evening meal or dinner out! (NOTE: I'm in the mood for some bar-b-que!)
So, is electricity necessary?; "Hellz-to-the-ya!" The convinces outweigh the inconveniences more than the all the bail outs combined, and then times by 10. So, bring on the power I need to buy some shoes!
"Eye'z gotta bizounce!"
Lata tators!
Robocall
A prerecorded call that is sent to hundreds or thousands of telephone numbers. An automatic dialing computer goes through a targeted list of phone numbers.
So drink 'em if you got 'em for the might gentle giant of our vast oceans, the whale. Bottoms up!
Anywho...
So, I get home after running to find my house back in the 1700's; no electricity. What do you think the first thing I do is?
Try to turn on computer; duh!
Well...
I got to thinking, "When was the last time I went without electricity?" Well, it was 2 years ago in Tanzania. For 9 days on the mountain, we had not one kilowatt. (NOTE: Except for our headlamps, but they do not count because they are teeny-tiny and necessary to walk on a 19000 ft mountain in the dark) It was so nice, no phone ring-a-dingin, Carl-E spending time with moi not his mistress; Black Betty, and an excuse not to dry my hair (NOTE: Well, I could not wash it either, but that's neither here nor here).
Let's proceed...
So, when the lights came back on I decided to make a list of things I could not do without electricity and it brought both frown and a grin to my face:
- I could not flat iron my mane; I would have to live with a funky flip on the right-side of my head that drives me batty or wear a pony tail until my last breath
- I could not zap my java to get it to the proper consumption temperature after I forget about it for 5 hours after put it down on the counter to finish the laundry
- Hold the phone; I could not do the laundry because my Whirlpool would not go swishy and wishy; How would I solve the problem of icky-icky-poo clothing?; Bring it to the dry cleaners and let them deal with Carl-E's socks!
- I could not peruse my fav cyber shops, because I would have no internet, because I would have no cable, which means I have not DVR to record "Rock of Love: Charm School" (NOTE: What an inhumane cycle of torture!)
- My home phone would not ring; no more robocalls trying to sell me the sun, moon, stars, and a new water softener system that will help save me bank by using less soap in my laundry, but wait; I do not have to do the laundry anymore! (NOTE: I would still have my cell, but I can charge it in my car, see how I figured that one out!)
- My jacuzzi would not work; no more being able to un-knot my knotted back, guess I have to use the one at the pool with the naked ladies; ewwwww!
- I could not keep food in the refrigerator; oh well I guess it is either canned soup for an evening meal or dinner out! (NOTE: I'm in the mood for some bar-b-que!)
So, is electricity necessary?; "Hellz-to-the-ya!" The convinces outweigh the inconveniences more than the all the bail outs combined, and then times by 10. So, bring on the power I need to buy some shoes!
"Eye'z gotta bizounce!"
Lata tators!
Robocall
A prerecorded call that is sent to hundreds or thousands of telephone numbers. An automatic dialing computer goes through a targeted list of phone numbers.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
December 3: Only 22 more days until Chirstmas!!
Happy "National Roof-Over-Your-Head Day" Tatros. And the way the economy is going, we should enjoy that extra layer of protection while it lasts! If you have any leaks in your roof, well to put it bluntly "You're screwed!" Better start looking to live with a relative, oh like your Mother-in-Law. Lord help me if that ever happens! I rather stick hot pokers in my eyes, or be forced to shop at Wal-Mart for my wardrobe for the rest of my existence on this orb!
Well, I do not know where November went, but before I knew it, "Poof" it was bye-bye, gone, no-more! So, Carl-E (NOTE: HIs swelling is going down and he is back at his office; happy,happy;joy;joy!) asked me "What do you want for Christmas?" Well, duh, of course I would love a new neoprene LV. The colors are smokin'; naughty-lady hot pink and bright-n-happy tangerine with the logo lovingly imprinted on the fabric. And, I would be totally stylin' when I sport it with my wetsuit on the shores of the Great Barrier Reef. Well, that's when I finally get my diving certification (NOTE: February is the ETA).
Anywho...
Carl-E said, "No Way Jose!" (NOTE: He did not say "Jose" because he does not speak the Espanol, he actually said, "You do not need anymore LV's!") He said we are havin' a low-key Christmas; we have to be econnoisseurs. So, he set the budget for each of us, and I agreed. Now, I can keep in a budget, it's just that the items I would ask for do not fall exist in that budget universe. They reside in the luxury galaxy. After thinking, "What's a girl to do?" I decided to have a "Beauty Christmas!"
Now that your curiosity is peaked...
As a woman, I need the product parade in my bathroom. Mascara for my fluttery lashes, shampoo and conditioner for my glossy tresses, cream to keep my porcelain skin smooth and supple, (NOTE: I do not use La Mer; Philosophy does this girl just fine!), and my signature scent to keep them guessing, "What is she wearing?"
So...
I starting surfing the web to print out my needs (NOTE: This is how the Gillerts do their Christmas lists; we print out our desires, put them in a file folder, hand it over, and when Christmas comes, you do not know what items you'll get, but you will get things you want. It's genius; it was my idea!) I selected make-up, creams, shampoos, brushes, and threw in a pair of Tory Burch shoes just incase Carl-E wants to go over budget for his wonderful wife. I just might sneak in that LV for shee-ites and giggles!
Bye Bye Chicken Pie!
econnoisseur
One who insists on the highest quality at the lowest price.
Being an econnoisseur I bought the ten dollar chilean wine instead of the fifty dollar french.
Econnoisseur
One who insists on the highest quality at the lowest price.
Being an econnoisseur I bought the ten dollar chilean wine instead of the fifty dollar french.
Well, I do not know where November went, but before I knew it, "Poof" it was bye-bye, gone, no-more! So, Carl-E (NOTE: HIs swelling is going down and he is back at his office; happy,happy;joy;joy!) asked me "What do you want for Christmas?" Well, duh, of course I would love a new neoprene LV. The colors are smokin'; naughty-lady hot pink and bright-n-happy tangerine with the logo lovingly imprinted on the fabric. And, I would be totally stylin' when I sport it with my wetsuit on the shores of the Great Barrier Reef. Well, that's when I finally get my diving certification (NOTE: February is the ETA).
Anywho...
Carl-E said, "No Way Jose!" (NOTE: He did not say "Jose" because he does not speak the Espanol, he actually said, "You do not need anymore LV's!") He said we are havin' a low-key Christmas; we have to be econnoisseurs. So, he set the budget for each of us, and I agreed. Now, I can keep in a budget, it's just that the items I would ask for do not fall exist in that budget universe. They reside in the luxury galaxy. After thinking, "What's a girl to do?" I decided to have a "Beauty Christmas!"
Now that your curiosity is peaked...
As a woman, I need the product parade in my bathroom. Mascara for my fluttery lashes, shampoo and conditioner for my glossy tresses, cream to keep my porcelain skin smooth and supple, (NOTE: I do not use La Mer; Philosophy does this girl just fine!), and my signature scent to keep them guessing, "What is she wearing?"
So...
I starting surfing the web to print out my needs (NOTE: This is how the Gillerts do their Christmas lists; we print out our desires, put them in a file folder, hand it over, and when Christmas comes, you do not know what items you'll get, but you will get things you want. It's genius; it was my idea!) I selected make-up, creams, shampoos, brushes, and threw in a pair of Tory Burch shoes just incase Carl-E wants to go over budget for his wonderful wife. I just might sneak in that LV for shee-ites and giggles!
Bye Bye Chicken Pie!
econnoisseur
One who insists on the highest quality at the lowest price.
Being an econnoisseur I bought the ten dollar chilean wine instead of the fifty dollar french.
Econnoisseur
One who insists on the highest quality at the lowest price.
Being an econnoisseur I bought the ten dollar chilean wine instead of the fifty dollar french.
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