Good morning, tators and "Happy National Battery Day." In my casa we have a designated drawer for these modern marvels. Without them, many things could not function, such as the guy's best friend; the TV remote. However, I cannot tell you which ones work and which ones have kicked the bucket. And, I admit this is my fault, because I just toss the old ones in and snatch out new ones. This drives Carl-E crazy; I like to call it "keeping him on his toes!" So celebrate the "A" "AA" "AAA" "D"; wait a minute this seems very familiar, as if I was in a Cosabella boutique. So, screw the batteries and go and gets yourself some new fancy unmentionables!
Well, let's start with Friday!
After sitting next to a toddler that just had to continuously sneeze all over me during the two hour flight, I arrived at MIA sporting fashionable vintage boyfriend Levi jeans, Burberry travel bag, and my suitcase bursting with up-to-the-moment outfits. About 15 minutes later, I met up with Nyia and Fran, next to show up was Sophie and Yvette. However we where missing one more...
Carla.
According to her text to Fran, something was wrong with her flight. We instantly all thought that was code for "Carla missed her flight."
Let me school you...
Carla is NEVER on time. She is on perpetual "CP" time. Now, if you do not know what that is; Goggle it.
So, the 5 of us jump in a taxi and head towards the port. We finally get on the boat, after Soph's bag was racially profiled and taken into custody. She was told that it would be returned to her only after extensive questioning and a full cavity search. As we wave "good-Bye" to Sophie's bag not knowing when and if she will ever really see it again, we trot to our cabins humming a happy little vacay tune.
Upon reaching our temporary residences...
we discover that not all our cabins are together. UH-OH; someone gotts some splainin' to do! We make our way to the so-called help desk to correct this glitch. Despite our first friendly attitudes which quickly began to travel south when we were told several times, "No!No!No! you can not switch cabins" we did not get our way! Well what makes a bad situation better; ALCOHOL! With swaggers and a bit of 'tude in our steps, we moseyed on up to the pool side bar to partake in a few pre-set-sail drinks. However, Sophie had to stick with to rums and cokes sans the rums, because she did not have her sea legs yet.
Now...
the boat is set to set sail at 5pm, and it is now 3pm and still no Carla. Frannie receives another text that proclaims she is on her way. Now you maybe asking, "Were we worried that she would miss the boat?" Oh Hell-Z no! Because the first person to inform her that she would not be able to board would have their life snuffed out within a nano-second. Then after the shock of frozen-fear wore off, to subdued the wild beast; the captain, himself would take her by her hand and escort her to the Presidential suite, hand her a stack of Benjies, and thank her for gracing the boat with her presence. Finally, with 15 minutes and 4.7 seconds before we set sail, Carla shows up in a whirlwind of hands a flying and mouth a-speaking about how it is not her fault that she is late. We just let her babble on with her tale of airline woes and we continued to consume our beverages. (NOTE: She is still sticking to the story that the airline over booked her, but I think her ass overslept! Wink! Wink!)
It is...
safety drill time. We don our not-designer-inspired day-glow life vests and listen to the instructions in like 50 languages (NOTE: I guess after all the recent "oops-over-boards" the ships need to cover their tushes!). After the less-than-stimulating safety drill, we stash our vests and head on out for dinner, convay, and drinky-poos. But before we can do this, Nyia needs to get two pairs of shorts and one shirt pressed; she cannot have a wrinkle in her threads, yo! She makes the steward swear he would throw himself overboard if her items will be returned the next morning. Now for those of you who do not know Nyia, she is a Harley riddin' mama that likes things her WAY; do not think about putting a tomato on her sandwich if it has the tiny green spot, it must be the only the ripest and the most perfect shade of red; do not give her fresh squeeze orange juice with pulp, it must be minus pulp and chilled to a perfect 40 degrees; and you best return her clothes when you say!
Saturday morning...
we are awoken to a lovely Australian accent. Actually, he promise a "warm wake-up" (NOTE: Sophie is still waiting for it. Hee! Hee!). So, we jump out of bed and ready for a day of one of my favs; shopping! We go down to Nyia and Carla's room where Ms. Nyia is on the phone verbally beatin' the person on the other line about the whereabouts of her wardrobe and threatening to walk around naked after she puts a hurtin' on numerous someones, and at the same time Carla is trying to explain that pirates are attaching the ship because the little voice that came over the intercom told her. The four of us just slowly backed on out, and shut the door, and headed for breakfast.
Next time...
Does Nyia really roam Nassau in the buff?
Do the pirates kidnap Carla?
Does Carrieann find anything to purchase?
Does Sophie ever get her warm wake-up?
Does Fran ever look bad?
Does Yvette ever stop smiling?
Until next time my tators!
Loves ya!
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