Oh happy day, today is lots of things, tators! For one, it is Fat Tuesday! So, y'all shorties flash 'em if you gotts them to get those beads (NOTE: They are not priceless pearls; not even fresh water. There are made-in-China-man-made-material-cheap-ass-orbs-that-cost-a-whole-.01-cent-to-make!) But, for some reason we become obsessed with getting those damn beds as if we were at a 80% off Burberry sale (NOTE: A girl can only dream!). In addition, it is "National Tortilla Chip Day!" So, intead of keeping the days seperate, let's have a number 2 combo! Toss chips instead of beads! Well, whatever you toss or flash, enjoy because once Lent starts you must give up one item. I know you are wondering what I am giving up; shopping at Wal-Mart! It will be hard to resist the temptation, but I have a will of steel!
Now...
I know I owe you part three of the cruise, but I must divert, because today I went to court. I was sooo nervous, because I have never stood in front of a judge before (NOTE: Unless you count the time I had to bail my mother out of the big houee; but that's for another time). A dear friend told me to dress fierce and fashionable. So, I brook out my "Mrs. Gillert" clothes; buiness-ish with just enough CA fabu.
Then...
Carl-E gets home, because he got a yellow ticket, too! The minute he sees me he says, "Why are you all dress up?" I respond with "Well, I am going to court, I must look the part." He just shook his head. We arrived at the court house, go to the room, and are told to fill out one of two forms; one form is for "Not Guilty" the other is for "Guilty." Well, I was perplexed!
Because...
I was guilty for not having my ID, but I was not guilty about my tag, because it was really registered and the glitch was on the State's end. So, I filled out both. I walked up to the lady to hand her my forms, and she (Note: Who will be referred to as Mrs. Personality 2009, because her's sucked!) said, full of ASS-ATUDE I might add, "Why you fill out two forms?" And, "Yes" Mrs. Personality 2009 did say it just like that. I began to explain to Mrs. Personality 2009 "Why?", but in mid-sentence she cut me off, and said "You need to plead not guilty." (NOTE: SHe is not an attorny nor does she play one on TV), I began to ask "Why?", but but I only got "WH" out before she cut me off again. This time Mrs. Personality 2009 put her hot pink air-brushed with gold bubbles taloned-hand near my face; NEAR MY FACE! NEAR MY FACE! Now, hold the phone sista! I began to clutch the papers in my fist, and I felt Carl-E knock the back of my arm, because he knew I was about to reach into my Jersey draw and put on my whoop-ass suit.
She said...
"You just need to plea not guilty and sit down, Mrs. Gilbert" Now, there is one thing that grates my last nerve is when people call me "Gilbert." When I was just a "Banacki" I was used to it being slaughtered, and no one can ever pronounce my first name. Hell, one of my advisors for my masters program call me Corrine for years. But, Gillert is not difficult, even if they pronounced it the En France way, I could understand, but I cannot understand GILBERT! (NOTE: And Gilbert just sounds nerdy; which I am so not). Now, do not think I did not correct her, cause I did, and I said, "It is GILLERT" and dragged out the "T" and made that "Tuh" sound at the end.
Well...
I just as I was about to say something else, Carl-E put his hands on my shoulders, and turned me towards benches. He whispered to me, "Please do not make me have to bail you out of jail!" Next, was Carl-E's turm, and all of a sudden Mrs. Personallity 2009 got sugary-sweet. She looked at Carl-E's ticket and said, "I am going to dismiss your ticket, since you and your wife both have the same citation." OMG! OMG! OMG! I thought, "So it is gonna be like that, bee-otch?! If I was tall, Latin, and of the male persuasion I could of gotten out of the ticket, too?!" (NOTE: I was taller than usual, because I did have on hot 5" black peep toes shoes, but I am not Latin or male). If she offered him a cup of coffee and a message with a happy ending right there, I would of not of even blinked.
Ok, back to me...
So they call Carl to the podium, and the judge says this and that and dismisses his ticket; bastard! Next I go up. Before I can say anything, the judge says, "Mrs. Gillert pick a date?" There on a yellow post-it note where three dates. So, I picked March 17. And then the judge says, "We'll see you then." OMG! My expression must of pure confusion, as if I stepped into the LV store and they only sold Guess handbags! So, the judge said "Mrs. Gillert you pleaded 'Not guilty,' so you have to have a trail." I swear I almost passed out. The judge went on to explain that it would not be a jury trail, but I had to come back, and then he asked if I wanted to consult council. Oh, I really started to feel the vapors. I said, "No" and the judge agreed that I did not council, and said I was done for the day.
On the way home...
I told Carl-E that he now owes me the LV Blackcherry case I have been lusting over, because he got his tush out of the ticket! So, tators your girl will be a-walking to the LV store tomorrow!
I gotts to go sew me a striped suit incase I has to go to the big house. I 'm a thinkin pink and black; instead of black and white. Whatch ya think?!
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