Jan 13: I see you; but you do not see me!

Happy "National Make Your Dream Come True Day and Blame Someone Else Day," tators. At first I was like, "Hummmm, these things are very different why would they share a day?" But then, my 130+ IQ kicked in and I realized they are like two peas in a pod; to make your dreams come true you just might have to stick it to someone else. So, when you are at clearance sale at Bloomies and you spy that last pink and orange PVC Tory Burch tote and so does some bimbo, charge her like a linebacker and do not stop if you hear a muffled "POP!" (NOTE: That's what insurance is for), take her down to Chinatown and ignore the perfume display that just crashed and splashed all over the floor, grab that dream bag and jet to the cashier. And if you are approached by store po-po about the carnage, just smile and say, "She just slipped, poor thing!" Ching! Ching! Jackpot!

Ok, let's get to the meat of this bloggy...
Well, this morning on the way to the gym to exercise my muscles, I was listening to a local ATL morning show. In honor of the premiere of "American Idol" (NOTE: I am proud to say that I have NEVER watch an episode, but I have NEVER missed an episode of "Rock of Love"!) each show member had to select a song from a former Idol winner to sing. Well, the first song selected was Clay Aiken's "Invisible" Now, not only have I never watched one episode, but I do not think I ever heard this song. Well, the girls on the show were going on and on about how creepy the lyrics were. So, I looked them up.

And...
Icky, icky, poo! Ok, Clay is creepy looking enough with his unnaturally smooth face, but the lyrics are the final push over a very steep, jagged cliff into the icy, cold drink! Here are some of the creepiness:

Whatcha doin tonight
I wish I could be a fly on your wall
Are you really alone
Who's stealin' your dreams
Why can't I bring you into my life
What would it take to make you see that I'm alive

Saw your face in the crowd
I call out your name
You don't hear a sound
I keep tracing your steps

If I was invisible
Then I could just watch you in your room

Now...
A ballot about stalking is not my idea of romance, but I guess to each is his own. So, while I was warming up on the treadmill I decided to take a look-see at a magazine. As I was flippin' through, I noticed an article about things to do in the new year; AKA resolutions. Since I am not a big fan of the resolution, I was just a tad bit curious of what the mag listed. There was the usual suspects; loss weight, eat right, exercise more, save money, blah, blah, blah.

And then...
I came to the last resolution. It said that you (NOTE: A woman) should buy a disposal phone, for the sole purpose of calling a man you just met. Now, I know you are scratching your noggin and wondering, "Why in the Hades would some woman do that?!"

Ponder...
Ponder...
Ponder...

Ansewer...
So that the man does not know it is you! So stalker-ee; so creepy; so mucho loco! What bad, bad, bad advise (NOTE: But I am sure that some crazy-ass bee-otches have already thought and implemented this action on some poor lowly, lowly, male).

Next...
I am driving to pick up my meds (NOTE: Yes, I am on lots; some of those little wonders that make me very, very HAPPY!). And, on another radio station, they report that technology has increase stalking by more percentages than the national bailout! And because technology grows faster than laws, there is a great big gray area when it comes to what they anointed "cyber-stalking." Imagine one of your ex-holes 20 years later in a dark, dank room, with only the glow of his PC to illuminate the room while Googling your name while gazing at your big-haired high school photo that is now framed with a big, red Sharpie marker that he loving and painstakingly drew over and over again.

Now that I have made you feel all icky, I gotts to jet.
Shake what your mama gave ya!



Ex-hole

your a**hole ex-husband, ex-boyfriend or just plain ex. a phrase used to refer to that person you used to date that you can't stand.

"Yeah, my ex-hole wants to get back together, but there is no possible way."