Happy "Everything You Do Is Right Day!" So, if you walk out of Saks without paying for those fierce new Gucci gladiator pumps (NOTE: Have you seen them?!); no worries! If you decide to keep the new 600 BMW that you are test driving and leave your old grocery getter at the dealership; no problem. If you inform your neighboro "YES!" she is a total bee-otch; go for it! It is your day; and guess what? You cannot be wrong!
So...
Carl-E and I went out with a few friends last Tuesday night; nothing fancy, just a brew pub. Now, being the oly female of the group, I knew that the convay could and more than likely would cover numerous categories, such as the rack on the bartender, how the Hawks are doing to the rack on the server. Being that I sometimes think that I have bigger and shinier jewels than most men I encounter, your girl can totally hang.
Well...
One of the guys that was there I never met before. He leaned a bit to the husky side, his facial expression never ever changed, however he was nice enough. So, after our dinners arrived the convay switched from crazy-ass bosses to chicks; no problem. I asked Mr. Stone Face if he had a girl or 6 and he said, "No" and continued to engulf his plate of nachos.
And then...
One of the other guys began to talk about a girl that all three of them tried to make the moves on (NOTE: I know who she is and she is "move" worthy). The convay did not get too raunchy, but the discussion about her derriere went on at great lengths. I just sat there sipping my beer, and shakin my head whenever a comment was made and then I was looked at for vindication.
Now...
Each guy is very different looking, so what I was asking moi was "Why was not she interested in atleast one of them?" So, I went over the "Girl-Mental-Check-List:
- Good jobs CHECK (Money is very imporant; a girls has to shop, ya know!)
- Nice Watches CHECK (This is important, because most men do not wear jewelry, so if they have one piece it should be a nice watch not some busted Swatch from 1982)
- Nice Clothes Half-A-CHECK (A shine on the collar or on the pant crease from over-dry cleanin is a NO! NO!)
- Smell Good CHECK (No dousing like you are putting out a huge forest fire in Cali; just enough so if they lean in you can faintly smell it)
- Nice Shoes Half-A-CHECK (A nice pair of shoes announces that the man cares about details; too many men wear nice clothes and busted-ass kicks!)
- Up-to-Date haircut CHECK (No CPA side part!)
- Speaks intelligently CHECK (After a few drinks anyone sounds intelligent!)
- Not sloppy drunk CHECK (This is so college!)
- Not self-centered CHECK (The convay should not focus about him, him, and more him! How tres dull!)
- Easy on the eyes Half-A-CHECK (Whoever said that it what inside that counts, should be shot. Who wants to wake up next to Quasimodo?)
So, all three did pretty good. So, I ask "Why did all of you strike out?" "Well" one begins "She likes big guys," and without missing a beat and with a total straight face, he continues "...like Mr. Stone Face, but he is a bit too big." Oh snap! Mr. Stone Face's friend totally tossed him and his nachos under the speeding bus!
I expected...
for Mr. Stone Face's friend to start laughin, but no, no, no, my little tators! He just picked up his burger and continued to chow down. Now in Chickland, if one girl said that to another it would be so on! I began to kick Carl-E under the table, but he shot me a look like "Why in the h-e-double hockey sticks are you kickin me!" I just sat their in disbelief of what I just heard. Isn't there some guy code about insulting your friend in a mega hard way in front of a female?
On the way home...
I told Carl-E why I kicked him. He said he did not even catch the comment. Maybe in Guyland, guys do shee-ite like that and it is concidered no-harm no-foul. And if that is the case, they can NEVER live in Chickland because the bee-otches weave would be rollin down the street after it was snatched off her head.
And I out....
No comments:
Post a Comment