Happy "Panic Day," tators. Embrace your panic attacks! Just when you feel you are going to pass out from the walls closing in; RUN, TATOR, RUN! Use that energy to propel your legs as fast as you can. By the time you calasp from the shortness of breath, massive leg cramps, and that annoying stabbing pain in your side your panic attack will be a thing of the past.
Ok, let's get busy yo...
Yesterday, Carl-E and I were working in the backyard. Now, you are probably thinking, "Didn't they just plop down a butt load of cash to have the backyard done?" Well, the answer is "Correct!" However, because no one can complete things up to Carl-E's standards, we had to go in with shovels a-blazin' and re-finish the finished project (NOTE: This occurrence occurs with every project; this is why I can install windows, do electoral, lay brick, etc.).
So, there we are...
shoveling mulch from the ridiculously large water oak (NOTE: Florida tators, you can stop shivering now) stump that was ground down into oblivion into those large paper bags (NOTE: The City of Hot-Lanta can only have recycling once every other week, but they will not, absolute will not take yard stuff unless it is in those paper bags!). Once, we filled, oh over 50 bags (NOTE: I have to fill 6 a day until all that shee-ite is gone; that's my weekly project!), we decided to move on to "The Tree."
There is a large...
branch that hangs over our Jacuzzi and it blocks the sun from lightly kissing my skin as I relax in the bubbly 103 degree water. I told Carl-E to get the saw and start a-hackin'. Because the branch from "The Tree" is considered by Hot-Lanta law on our propriety, even though the tree itself is in our neighbor yard, we had every God-Given right to saw away!
As...
Carl-E is half way in bring the branch down to Chinatown, our backyard neighbor come running out with hands a crazy-waving and voice a yelping, "What are you doing?" I was thinking, "Duh, what does it look like, genius?" So, she starts into this 5 minute rant about how she has been so understanding about our backyard, and how she can now see into our backyard because we removing the branch, the tall bushes, and now we can see into her backyard, and blah, blah, blah (NOTE: There is nothing I want to see in her house unless she has Daniel Craig over in a swimsuit; oh so tasty!)
I...
just stood there listing to her insensible ramblings. Carl-E tried to calm her down, but she was not having it. And then she said, "If you only would of extended the wall another 5 feet we would not have this problem." Ok, now she stepped over the proverbial line, because:
A) Who the F%^$ does she think she is to tell us that "we" have a problem; she has a problem in her crazy-ass mind
4) It is our backyard and if I want to paint the back of my house hot pink with black polk-a-dots I damn will
c) Unless she is thrown dollas into the backyard bank, she needs to shut her pie hole!
Now...
it was time for me to speak my peace, so I say "Look the plan for the wall is as is; no longer" To this she says pointing to the beautiful new lugstrum bushes, "Well, you need to buffer our yards and those bushes are not going to do it." (NOTE: We brought new bushed that are 3 feet high; I was not going to spend beaucoup pieces of chedda to appease her!). So, I said, "Sorry, but that is what we are planting" as I was opening my mental 2000 square foot walk-in closet, complete with leopard carpet and pink walls and taking down my Jersey suit (NOTE: It needs to be pressed; where's my pledge!). Sensing that I was slowly losing my grip on reality, Carl-E jumps in and finishes the conversation (NOTE: I kept tryin to interject my thoughts, but Carl-E kept cutting me off).
She...
turns and leaves and I go totally bonkers; tossin the F-bomb around like is was singles at a strip bar. Carl-E just sat there and let me go on, and on, and on, and on. When I finally stopped to catch my breath, he said, "Let's get in the car." While walking to the car, driving in the car,and getting out of the car, I was still putting the verbal beat down on our neighbor.
And then...
I notice we are at the nursery. Well, guess what? Carl-E insisted we buy two of the big bushes. I was like, "WHAT?!" But, then I sensed the opportunity to get the upper hand. "If we buy the BIG bushes; I want the cool-holly-tree-thingy for the front door." (NOTE: If it was a combo she/nursery I would of insisted that I get a new pair of strappy platform sandals, but the tree-thingy is very cool and it compliments my red front door to perfection!)
Guess what...
I got the cool holly-thingy for the front door and Carl-E and our horseface neighbor chatted while I sat in the potting shed (NOTE: I was ordered not to be around when they chatted) and she "Approved" of the new bushes (NOTE: Yes, she did say she approved!).
All is well, when CA gets well...
what she wants!
And, I am off to hit the pavement!
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