March 23: Daddy-Oh-No-No!

It is a two-fer day, tators! It is "National Organize Your Home Office Day and National Chip and Dip Day." So, break out the chips and salsa verde or if you prefer ruffled potato chips and French onion dip and hit your office. You know it is messy; everyone's is, well except mine (NOTE: I am totally a clean freak when it comes to my space). So, get rid of those old Chick-Fil-A, and gas receips. Chuck those old water and phone bills. Toss out that little cocktail nap with the scribbling from some guy you met two weeks ago at the new hot club (NOTE: You'll never call because 1) you cannot read the number and it starts with; you think 866 B) you cannot remember what he looks like!). Trash those flyers you have been saving with the 10% off any purchse over $20 from any craft store. And if you have not see it in 10 years because it has been buried under a pile of old tax returns; hurl it out!

Ok here we go...
So, Carl-E and I have a routine; every Saturday we go for a 5K run, and then to Einstein's for breakfast. I have a large java and the yogurt parfat with a banana and Carl-E has some nasty egg sandwhich.

Well...
During one of our Saturday morning outtings, I noticed the Daddy-Oh-No-No! He is your typical older frat-looking guy; tall, blond, slight beer belly, and wears athletic pants with his college sweatshirt, but probably has not worked out since his senior year. With him are his two kids; Braty-brat and Not-So-Incocnet. Braty-Brat is about 7 and is a VERY obnoxious little boy that is dying for any attention (NOTE: You know the type; loud, way TOO LOUD). Not-So-Inoccent is the younger sister who loves to hook-line-and-sinker her brother to getting into trouble and then give the innocent eyes to Daddy-Oh-No-No to avoid his wrath.

So...
Ever Saturday it is bascilly the same routine; Daddy-Oh-No-No come into Eisntien's in a whirl-wind of furry with a kid in each hand. He tosses each into a chair, gives them the stern Daddy-Oh-No-No eye and whispers through clinched teeth, "You stay put!" Now, niether one listens because Not-So-Innocent is up with in 2 nano-seconds, stands next to her chair and begins to quiver her lower lips and whimpers, "Daddy, Daddy!" Without missing a beat, Daddy-Oh-No-No calls to her, "Come here baby." Off she runs, he scoops her up, and then turns to Braty-Brat with mean dad face and syas, "You stay put!"

Next...
They eat; well try to eat. Braty-Brat and his sister always get the chocolate chip bagel with butter. Now, Braty-Brat always counts his chocolate chips and announces that he has the most, which entices his sister to turn on the waterworks full blast. Daddy-Oh-No-No then takes away Braty-Brat's begal and gives it to Not-So-Innocent and gives her's to Braty-Brat (NOTE: As if this would put an end to this sistuation). Now Not-So-Innocent has a big smile on her face, and Braty-Brat announces he still has the most chocolate chips (NOTE: This kid sees the positive in everything!). To this Daddy-Oh-No-No takes half of Braty-Brat's bagel and switches it with half of Not-So-Innocent's, and then announces that they both have the same amount of chocolate chips (NOTE: Now we really know that they do not!)

But..
This is where the story can differ depending on Daddy-Oh-No-No's attitude. Once he took the bagel out of Braty-brat's mouth, snatched right out, and took a bit, and then announced that he no longer had the most chocolate chips. Another time, he took a itty-bitty piece of Braty-Brat's bagel and gave it to his sister and announced that she now had the most chocolate chips.

Let's keep a movin...
Now this Saturday, was different. Daddy-Oh-No-No was in rare form. He came in with the same fever as a whirling dervish, but with the fire of Godzilla. He tossed both children in their chairs, and stomped to the line. I instantly knew that this was going to be a real show. Daddy-Oh-No-No dropped the two baskets with the begals on the table. And then it happened...Braty-Brat while grabbing for his begal, flipped the basket onto the floor.

Daddy-Oh-No-No let out...
the loudest F-Bomb you have ever heard. The whole place just froze. Daddy Oh-No-No did not miss a beat. He picked up the bagel, tossed in the trash, and then sat down. Braty-Brat was like "Where is my begal?" Daddy-Oh-No-No took off on a trirate that lasted for what seemed like forever about how he was not going to eat ever again!

And then...
a glimmer of nicness must of surfaced, becasue Daddy-Oh-No-No took half of his sister's begal and gave it to Braty-Brat. Could Daddy-Oh-No-No be turning over a new leaf because he felt some remorse? Oh Hellz no! Daddy-Oh-No-No continued to tell Braty-Brat that he is lucky to be even eating and that he got the crapy half of the bagel (NOTE: Yes, he did say crapy!). To which Braty-Brat said, "Everyone is eating half a begal!" To this I looked around and thought, "Touche Daddy-Oh-No-No; Braty-Brat is 100% correct, because people eat their bagel one half at a time!"

Secretly..
I cannot wait until next Saturday to see what happens! I know, I am terrible and I love it! Winky-wink!


Urban Word of the Day (and we all know at least one person who does this):

Whole Grazer
Person who feels as though Whole Foods is so expensive that in order to get their money's worth, they have to try every sample available, often multiple times

"That place is expensive, but he's a Whole Grazer so he just wanders around eating samples until he has eaten so much that it has paid for his groceries"