Well, I attended a very interesting wedding this weekend. What made it interesting?
-The 5 star chef flown in from France that prepared fresh fioe gras by magically removing the liver from the goose that laid the golden egg without out harming a feather?
NO!
- The fabu guest gifts were limited addition Hermes mini Burkin bags with hand-painted silk scarves precisely folded and lovingly placed inside
NO!
- Dinner entertainment was Pavarotti, who was manifested from the world beyond just for this joyous event
NO!
What made it interesting was the dress code; there apparently was none.
Before I get to the dressing, Let's talk about gifts...
Last Monday, Carl-E reminded me that we needed to buy a wedding present. Now, being the shopping diva that I am, you would think I was on it like white-on-rice. However, with all of the running, swimming, cat herding, climbing, and clothes washing I got just a teeny-weeny bit side tracked.
Now, we never received an official wedding invite (NOTE: The excuse was it went to the wrong address. ). Anywho...I emailed Carl-E to find out where they were registered. Carl-E email me back and said, "No where." I was like, "What the f*&%! Who does not register for gifts?" So, to make sure Carl-E heard right, because his hearing is VERY selective, I rang him up. And to my surprise, he not only repeated what he was told via email by the groom, he forwarded the email. Basically, the groom wrote, "We did not register; we just want cash." Now, what I wanted to know is how in Hades did they put that in the invite? Did they include a fluorescent green post-it note written in pencil that said in every invite that read, "No gifts; just CASH!"
Ok, let's move on...
So, since it was an evening wedding, I assumed that it was dressy (NOTE: Remember to never assume!). I wore a light weight, wool-blend, charcoal gray shift dress, and to add a touch a pizazz I paired it with chocolate brown fishnets, and chocolate brown alligator peep-toe platforms pumps (NOTE: I know that fishnets are not the "in" thing this season; it's pattern tights, but I wanted to buck the fashion system and make my own statement. Plus, patterned tights look stupid on my short legs.) And, Carl-E wore a very stylish pinstripe charcoal gray suite.
So, we enter the room were the ceremony was and my mouth hit the floor. Men had on jeans! Not dark-wash fitted jeans, but faded out, crotch draggin', ass-saggin' jeans. And to top off the style outfit untucked button-down oxfords with their nasty t-shirts showing. Now, this was not the only fashion faux pas. One gentleman had on Billabong black cargo pants, with a tucked in black t-shirt, black studded belt, and military boots. Actually, this man was one of the few that actually put some thought into matching his attire. Any color combination went, and I doubt that they were all colorblind!
Oh, and the women were no better. Low-rise, 2001 Britney-style, ass-crack showin' jeans with back fat oozing over the their belt loops and thong straps. The top? Well, low-cut cleavage revealing, belly shirts with sequences and rhinestones to add that dash of flash. Or, too short dresses that had to be constantly tugged on to cover their hoo-has! And the whole-tuggin' idea went out the door when the dancing commenced. There were more flashes than at the Oscar's red carpet, if you get my drift?!
Now, I know that dressing properly is an art, and not everyone can be me, but COME ON! IT IS A WEDDING! Take your ass-saggin' ass to Wal-Mart or better yet Target, buy a pair of khakis, tuck that shirt in, discover something called a "belt," and invest in shoe polish. It is not that difficult, son!
And for the ladies, Target now has some of the world's hippest designers creating clothes for them. Buy one dress and pair it with any shoes that are not flip flops (NOTE: Yes, they made an appearance too! Actually, on of the bridesmaids had DYABLE flip-flops to match her dress!").
Emily Post is spinnin' like crazy in grave!
Urban word of the day:
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