Anywho...
If you have not heard the word around the block; here is the 411; Hot-Lanta is low on petrol. I use the fancy-pants English term, because I said to my dermatologist when she asked me how my day was, and I replied, "It's good, because I have gas!" She looked at me awkwardly, and then the light bulb went off in her blond head ans she chuckled, "I thought you were telling me you had to fart; not talking about gasoline!" I must of made her day, because through the whole examine she could not stop chuckling. I bring a ray of sunshine to every one's gloomy day!
Except, a Ragein' Asian!
Read on...
Well...
I had no clue that Hot-Lanta was low on Petrol. Carl-E could not fathom this because it was on all the news channels. I told him that they must of talked about the shortage while I was speaking to heads of state, finding a cure for cancer, or scoping out my next LV! (NOTE: He defiantly did not believe the first two excuses!)
So, there I was on Friday, in a manic-panic search for petrol, because I only had, oh 6 miles left to go before I hit zilch, na-da, nothing, empty! After going to six stations, I finally found one. It was a total mad house, worse than the wedding gown sale at Feline's Basement (NOTE: If you never witnessed this in person, you need to. It's a hoot and a half!). So, the guy in front of me was talking and texting causin' a total blackberry jam (NOTE: This is my Urban Word of the Day).
I put the peddle to the metal, hauled tush, and got into the other line. Well, out of no where, well not really no where, comes this hideous purple mini-van right at my Beamer. I laid on my horn, and the driver came to a sudden stop, rolled down her window, and shouted, "I here first; you let me first!"
Let me describe the she-driver that has no taste in automobiles; Asian-descent, super short orange hair (NOTE: I could not decide if it was orange on accident or she was going for the hip new citrus look that is all the rage in Japan), about 500+60 years old, and pretty-cute looking cat eye glasses with teeny-tiny rhinestones at the temples. She continued to verbally berate me, even though I was telling her she was 100% wrongo-0 (NOTE: I was tempted to ask her where she got her glasses, but I held my tongue, because I figured I was not going to kill her with my intense kindness)! However, she was either deaf or stupid, because she continued to yell at me.
What did I do?...
I politely waved at her, smiled a huge Kool-Aid grin, and pulled up to pump my gas. She continued to inch her van of doom towards me, screaming, "I here first, you get behind me!" as if that would make me give up my spot. Hey, I only now had 4 miles until I was out of gas. In the end, I got Petrol. I always win!
So, it is now Tuesday and I still have almost a full tank of gas, I mean Petrol. I am limiting my cruisn' so I will not have anymore ugly encounters and Carl-E will not have to bail me out of the big house. Hopefully, Hot-Lanta will have fuel at every station soon, until then...
I'll leave you with this...
The best suggestion to bail us out of our money-woes:
A man suggested that all the women of the country go out on the street, start strippin' off their clothes, while the President flys over in a helicopter as he makes it rain "Big-Pimpin' W" style with hundred dollar bills (NOTE: I really wish I could take credit for that, but some guy on a radio show called in with the idea. Isn't just geniuses?!)
Oh, this would all be available via live feed on the Internet.
Off to make the world, or at least my family room a more colorful place,
ME
Blackberry Jam
A traffic jam that occurs in subway tunnels, bus stations, and any other highly occupied area. Caused by inconsiderate workaholics walking or driving too slow while their noses are glued to their Blackberry device.
I was late for work because there was a Blackberry Jam getting out of the A train.
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