September 3: They Are Here!

Well, tators it is a sad day here in Hot-Lanta. They have arrived.

Who are "They?"

THE SPEEDBUMPS!

I thought they were coming, because last week I spied a City worker spraying the road where "something" should go. I almost asked him what he marking the road for and taking him out did cross my mind for a fleeting minute , but like a fat girl in total denial that the size 2 will not fit, I decided to ignore it.

Yesterday morning, at 5:15 am, I left to swim. I drove up my smooth street. At 7:30 am on my return home, I drove down my smooth street. At 9 am, I drove down my smooth street to the gym. At 10:30 am; BAM! BAM! BAM! Within an hour and an half, my smooth as a baby's butt street turned as bumpy as a pre-pubescent teenager's face. As soon as I hit the first one, a tear swelled up in my eye; my battle was over and I lost.

All my hopes and dreams that the City's non-existent budget would post-pone the bumps were crushed like when an ugly girl finally realizes after three hours of nervously waiting on her living room crushed-velvet lime green couch, wearing a thrift store dress (NOTE: Not the chic vintage thrift store dress, but the faded pink, multi-ruffle teared organza 1975 bride's maid nightmare) that the hot football player that suddenly took interest in her and asked her to the prom is not showing, because he is having a good chuckle with his friends while pounding beers in the bathroom at the prom at her expense.

Well, after I pouted in my house for a couple of minutes, I decided that I did not have to except these bumps. I could have my own private protest. As I left my house to buy paint to paint my office and I hit every bump with all my might. I was not going to let them slow me down! And if my car's suspension has to suffer a bit, that is a sacrifice that I am willing to make!

On my return from buying paint, I floored it to hit the bump. As I made contact with the first bump at 35 miles an hour, I saw my Buckhead Betty neighbor walking her eggs home from school. As she watched in horror as I hit the bump, she began to shout while wavingher arms frantically, "Slow Down!"

What did I do...

I smiled and waved back!

And I am off to hit more bumps!