October 14: Follow The Rules Or Feel My Rath!

Happy Tuesday, tators!

Well, I am pleased to announce, that I am visitor free! I know that this sounds very horrible of me, but after 9 days of having family in your house, the first day of silence is like a little slice of heaven on earth.

So, now that I am family-free, I can get back to my work-outs. Today, I went back to the pool. I was excited and ready to hit the H2O. There was a plethora of us in the slow lane. However, being adults and mature and all, the large quantity of bodies should of not of made a difference.

But, to think that you would be WRONG-O!

Well...
We started out on the right foot. Everyone was swimming in sync, and then one person decided to f&^% it all up! When you swim laps in the slow lane, the rules are the following:
- You stay in the order you start
- If you have to pass the person in front of you; you tap their foot and pass at the end of the lane
- Do not cut the lap short (That means turn around before you get to the end of the lane and cut in front of another swimmer)
- If you need to stop; stop at the end of the lane, and then join the group at your same spot on the next lap

So...
There we were; all 7 of us swimming in perfect harmony like ebony and ivory. Then, we'll call him Earplug Man (NOTE: Because he wears earplugs), decides to cut the lap short. Now you might be asking yourself, "Why would he do that?" To answer your questions, I have no f*&^in clue! It was not like he was swimming like a supersonic missile, and to had pass all our slow-as-a-snail asses!

Now...
By Earplug Man cutting the lap short, our order got all foo-barbed! So, when another swimmer decided to take a break at the end of the lane, she got back into the group at the wrong time. Now, two people were out of order, and the leader started to cut the laps short, because who the hell knows.

So...
The leader decides to go all postal on the rest of us, because she noticed we were out of order. Now, I tried to explain to her why this was, but she was not having it. She reiterated the rules once again, and took off to start our next part of the work out.

Once again...
Earplug man cut the lap short, and once again we got all jumbled up. When we completed the 300 meters, the leader began to spit her swimming knowledge once again. I tired to point out what was going wrong, but either I speak a different language or she can only hear the frequency that her voice is on.

However...
One other swimmer shared my frustration, and shored me that it will work itself eventually. By the end of the workout, I felt like I just stepped out of a dryer; all tumbled and rumpled up. I guess it is the Virgo in me, but I like order. Throwing a wrench or cutting a lap short totally disrupts my chi. Now, I know this is my problem, and I have to deal. So, next time Earplug Man cuts a lap short he is going to get bee-otched slaped by my Jersey hand! And my perfect swimming harmoney will be restored!

Here is one for you visual peeps:
The latest trend to do in the women's lockerroom at the pool is Porky Piggin' It. Read the def below and be perpared to shutter:

Porky Piggin' It

Wearing only a shirt, no pants AND no underwear, ala Porky Pig, who did not wear anything below the belt.

There were a few women in the locker room totally Porky Piggin’ It after their swim, while having an conversation about the up-and-coming bake sale at their kid’s school.