Happy "National Candy Corn Day!" This is a day that I can celebrate until I puke, tators! I love me some candy corn; especially Brachs. It is made with really honey, ya know?!
It is the day before Halloween, and I am armed with almost 20, yes 20 bags of high-octain sugary snick-snacks for the princesses, ghosts, and tweens that should not be trick-or-treating (NOTE: The least they could do put on some sort of costume, or even clown make-up, not trick-or-treat in their uniforms!) . Last year I blew through 12 bags in 3 hours. Since, 'Ween falls on a Friday, 12 bags would probably get me through 1.5 hours. Carl-E said I need more, so it is off to Publix I go.
Anywho...
Your girl, that being me, passed her CPR class, yo! I am such asn Einsteinette! I got a 100% on my test; the only one mind you! I totally school it. Hey hate the game not the playa! I am so bomb-tastic! If you are having a coronary, chokin', or just want to be save, hit me on the hip!
Let's chat about the class...
My friend/trainer was the instructor-extraordinaire. There was supposed to be 8 of us, but three could not get off their lazy backsides to learn how to save a life (NOTE: I would not want to be around them if I had a heat attach, since they would not know how to fight their way out of a paper bag, let alone save my life!)
Anywho...
It was all females; including Annie. Speaking of Annie, she needs a fashion 911! The CPR method has been updated, but they left poor Annie back in the 70's. She is in need of a Juicy Couture-like tracksuit in a hip hue, such as a charcoal gray or deep plum, some cool sneakers; pumas maybe?, a hair color that does not make her look so shallow; maybe a light brown with caramel highlights and espresso lowlights, some eyelashes and blusher. That would so make her more appealing to suck face with for three hours.
Well...
There is Debbie, bless her heart, demoin' on washed out Annie, while one lady keeps askin' all sorts of questions (NOTE: I'll call her Drama Queen AKA Drama for short). Now, askin' questions is not stupid, but Drama was just not listening. Debbie would say something and then Drama would blurt out a question askin' the same thing. And then, as if Drama was fishin', actually she was fishin' for sympohy, she would say things like, "I am gonna fail," "I am never going to remember all this" blah, whine, blah, blah, whine, whine! In my mind, I was like, "Lady shut it and just pay attention! And if you blow it, oh well the person who needs help will probably be better off giving themselves CPR that you doin'it!"
Let's move on, so much more to indulge in...
As Drama was hostin' her "whoo-as-me" party, and the rest of us were forced to attend even though we did not receive one of thoes cute evites (Note: I would of defenitaly RSVP NO!), Debbie continued to conduct the class with the utmost graceful authority. We all had to take turns gettin' down and dirty with Annie. Now, the lady to my right, let's call her "Clueless" well, because she did not have a f&*$in' clue. Now, I do not know her on a personal level, but it was like she was attending her own class, in her own mind, perhaps a even in a differnt universe where fairies, unicorns, and gnomes live. When it was her turn to get to know Annie in the biblical sense, she did was so off I was wondering, "Is she afriad to kiss a girl?" Hey everyone has to try it atleast once, maybe twice, well...
Let's keep on walking...
After Clueless tried numerous times, she finally got the knack. Now Debbie brought out the AED (NOTE: I thought it stood for Aortic Electrical Device, but I was WRONG!) So, there is Debbie showing us how to use it, and I ask a question pertaining to moutain climbing, because I if Carl-E gets in trouble I want to atleast get him down the moutain, so I can have a body to show insurces so I can collect; chan-ching! (NOTE: I know that was horrible of me!) Now, Drama says, "Moutain climbers carry those phones, you know the world ones." I turn to her and say, "No, I am sorry not all do. And even if you do, they are not reliable." "Oh no..." Drama continues, "I saw it on TV; they all carry the phones." Now, by the looks of Drama, not only does she have less fashion sence than Annie, she has never climbed an ant hill, let alone a moutian. In my head, I pictured me taking my crampon and kickin her straight in the ass right down Everest.
We're walkin', walkin'...
So, it is test time. Debbie clearly says, "Do not write on the test." Yes, she does speak English, and very well. However, Clueless totally wrote the answers on the test; DUH! When Debbie asked who did it, oh it only took Clueless about 5 minutes to fess up. Debbie was a saint and deserves a gold star, high five, and a cool bookmark from the library.
"That ho's fine, but this ones a killa!" (Trivia question: What rap song is that line from?)
I gottas bounce!
Einsteinette
A nerdy ( intelligent ) female person.
That nerd, Vanessa is an Einsteinette
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