August 12: Forgotten Story!

Well, I survived my first swim lesson, tators! I was a tiny-weeny-bit nervous. I go back Thursday at 5:45am for lesson number 2! The cats do not even get up that early! This morning, I was drinking my coffee at 4:45am, and those lazy blobs of fur were fast asleep.

Anywho...

I totally forgot about a story from climbing adventure. Actually, it was Carl-E that reminded me about it. We were watching the Olympics at a pizza joint while consuming adult beverages. Blips and blurbs about the confrontation between Georgia and Russia were broad casted during the commercial breaks. Carl-E said, "That tour guide should of taken COM on his offer." Now, I only had one frosty brew, so I knew I was not tanked, but I had no clue about what he was talking about. My face must of expressed my confusion, because Carl-E says, You know the guide from Moscow." Then it clicked. Yes, the bulb turned on.

Key the time machine...

Well, when we were in Moscow we had a guide to take us around Red Square. She was very nice, however I forgot her name, so I'll call her Marie. From the giddy-up COM (NOTE: That's Crotchity Old Man) had his sights on Marie. Now, he is married but EVERYONE noticed how he just glared at her like she was a juicy steak with a side of thick cut fries. It was starting to become very uncomfortable for everyone, because he would lean in REAL close and stare. After 15 minutes or so of the creepiness, COM spits out, "I am taking you home with me for my brother-in-law."

We all just looked at each other. Then COM added, "He is rich, good-looking, and he needs a wife. I know that you want to get out of Russia; all women do." Now our mouths were hanging open. Quickly and politely, she moved us to the next statue. As she began to talk, COM moved on in again and put his arm around her waist. Marie slowly took a step to the left, hoping that his arm would fall off her waist; but COM took a step, too. It was obvious that poor Marie needed to be rescued. Our Fearful Leader jumped to the occasion. After Marie's spiel about the great big cannon that was never fired, Our Fearless Leader took her by the elbow and led her away for a quick chat. Who do you think was hot on their heels?!

For the rest of the tour it was like a horse race; everyone kept jocking to a position to protect Marie from COM. He was a man on a mission and every time he could get some face time with her, he would continue to sell his brother-in-law and referred to her as "My future sister-in-law." Now you are probably wondering why Our Fearless Leader just did not speak to COM. Well, if you remember back to the climb, they had words, and Our Fearless Leader was avoiding COM like the plague, because he did not want another confrontation. However, Our Fearless Leader had to do something, because it was becoming ridiculous!

Finally, at the almost end of our tour, Our Fearless Leader answered the pleading call from Marie's eyes, and took COM aside. While Marie was talking about Stalin's tomb, we heard shouting. COM was waving his hands all over the place, and shouting about how if he wants to set-up his brother-in-law he can. During the commotion, Marie said, "Now it is time for your lunch." We began to follow her to a resturant, but we were puzzled because we were not scheduled to eat lunch. However, we followed her anyway. When we got to the resturant, she vanished. No lie! We turned around and she was gone. So, there we were standing in front of a sushi resturant in Red Square with no leader.

A couple of minutes later Our Fearless Leader showed up. He asked us why we were here. We told him that we were abandoned by Marie. In the distance we saw COM. He was running towards a church. "Oh no!" said Our Fearless Leader just as he took off after COM. About 5 minutes later COM and Our Fearless Leader returned. Our Fearless Leader looked royal pissed off, and COM had a big smile on his face. COM said, "I almost missed her, but I gave her all my brother-in-law's information. I told her I'll be back next year, and then I'll take her back with me, so she needs to apply for her travel visa. And after they are married, she will be free of this country" All I could think was, "Crazy Old Coot!"

Until next time...